I have spent a large portion of my life protecting myself, guarding myself and being careful, to make sure that I don’t get hurt and no one can harm me. My thought process was if I just keep everyone away then I will be ok.
What took me a while to realise was that I was not ok. I was succeeding at not allowing most people to hurt me but I was actually hurting myself more than anyone could ever hurt me…
I was starving myself of the joy, pleasure and happiness of experiencing real connection.
I had forgotten what it was like to cry with tears of heart-felt compassion and love. I forgot what it was like to really care and it be ok, and feel good about caring. I had gotten to a point where I became numb.
It took my first coach/mentor, to call me out on what I was not conscious of – the fact that my barriers were putting a ceiling on my sales and my relationship with other people, for me to realise that I was hurting myself.
It took a great deal of self reflection, courage and brutal self-honesty to be able to admit and acknowledge that I had been responsible for the hole I had inside of me.
Once I started making a conscious effort to let people in, it became the scariest thing to open my heart to another person. The fact that they would see me for me, the fact that they could judge me, the fact that they might not like me or love me or accept me was the scariest thing in the world. But what I soon found was that even though sometimes, and often I would feel rejected, there were many times that I did feel liked, accepted and loved for actually being ME. And these times, I actually felt the happiest and that I truly did matter in the world, well at least in someone’s life. This was enough me for me to know my life is worth something.
It then became easier and easier being myself (and to even just be alive). To be myself with not just someone I was interested in, but also strangers, colleagues, authoritarian figures, and to clients – current and possible ones. Then came launching my business! This was a whole new level of letting the world see me for me. This was me extended! This was my thoughts, feelings, heart and soul laid out for the world to see, smell, taste, feel and judge. This was me, naked and bare.
Constantly am I facing my fears of being seen, being myself and being good enough. But as I have been facing my challenges consistently for many years now, it has become easier and easier although the demons get bigger and bigger.
And when things get tough I simply ask myself, would I rather have it the other way around? Would I rather not care, not feel, not be doing what I am doing? And the answer is always no.
Whenever my demons get that little bit too hard to face, the universe will show me something to remind me I am on the right track and to keep facing them. It will send me a person, a message, a client, a feeling, just to remind me to keep my chin up and it will all be worth it. Because it always is!
I now have more love, presence, gratitude, and the most amazing people in my life that I know for a fact, that if I had made one small decision differently and not faced one little demon in the past, I wouldn’t be where I am now and I wouldn’t have the relationship I have with the people I have in my life, and I wouldn’t be the happy fulfilled person I am today.
And for that I know, I owe it to myself. My courage and action to constantly face my fears, challenge myself, and consciously allow people to see me for me especially when it scares me! To make a conscious effort for loving just because I want to love, for caring just because I care, for crying just because it hurts or touches me, for laughing because it’s funny, for being how I am just because I am, has now started to become unconscious. I have now started building habits of being myself. And that’s the only reason it has gotten easier to be myself.
So now I ask you, are you being yourself? Are you allowing yourself, your loved ones, strangers the opportunity to love you? If you are hiding who you are, how will you ever know the pleasure of the people you love really loving you, for you? How will you ever feel the joy of unconditional love and acceptance? How will you ever not feel alone? How will you ever feel real connection if you are so disconnected from your own heart and feelings?
I know it’s hard, I know it’s scary, and sometimes it does hurt. But whether you are growing or dying, it will hurt anyway. You might as well make it worthwhile. You might as well have love and lost, then to have not loved at all. Because true love understands thats although some relationships don’t last forever, love is love. And true love is being grateful just to have experienced love – in whatever form it shows up in.
So next time you have the opportunity to put your heart on the line, tell someone how you feel, apply for that new dream job or role you want, go talk to that stranger or tell someone you care and love them… Remember you may not have tomorrow… And if today as your last day, would you want them to know how you feel?
Let’s not wait until we get hit with a major life crisis before we make a conscious effort to connect to each other. Connect now.
The world wants to see and love you! But it can’t if you don’t let it!
To know more about embracing your hidden truth go to www.TheNewView.com and message me for a Discovery Session.